This Is my Now

There was time where I packed my dreams away

Living In a shell & hiding from  myself 

There was a time when I was so afraid

I thought I'd reached the end,

But that was then

I am now made of more than my yesterdays

This is my now,and I am breathing in the moment

As I look around,

My Fears are behind me, Gone,

they had become the shadows and doubts

and-that was then,this is my now

I find the strength to take step of faith

I've settled for less,but ready for more-this is me now

Why do we even bothers?

Sometimes, your closest friends end up hurting you more than your worst enemies would ever come close to

Losing grip of friendships that meant the world to me - because it just doesn't feel the same way anymore - when subtle attacks seem to come across unnoticed by everyone else but me

, when assimilating becomes self-loss, when physicalities are an obsession, and there's no substance to conversations but the superficial, fakeness of everything that seem mundane -

Still unnoticed? haih, so does that make me the bad person - or are these silent "conflicts" are just a thing in my head, which by all means, I hope so - but I have kept quiet and took "everything" - put up with things that may have annoyed me -  I must've been quite annoying myself around my friends - yknow, come to think of it, what do I mean by "everything"? - How long has this been going on? Things that I know but couldn't say - grey areas, taboo issues - he said, she said - so who's telling the truth, who isn't - does it really matter? what matters more in the long run? 

 what if the friend was the one who changed? - what if it was me who changed? - I don't know what is going on - but I know something's off - What if you tried to fix it - was it fixable? did it work? - I don't know - what about all the things you know? things they don't know you know, things you just push aside so that its easier to just go drama free.

"You know what they say, life's good until everyone starts being honest."

 You know what, I completely completely understand and acknowledge, that I'm not much fun to be with, and my attitude sometimes is just too much, and I'm too honest when I want to be, too loud, I talk too much when I should just shut up, I have mood swings when things go wrong, and I attract people to hate my guts. So if you don't like me, just act like you don't like me, end of story. 

Stop bitching-the moment u think you are better than everyone else is the moment you start bitching about them!

Life Value

Because by the end of the day, its not about who you know, how you look, what you have put on your back or what you own.

By the end of the day, its the feeling to be accepted and appreciated for who you are inside is what gives life meaning.

Sometimes, I'd talk and nobody would take me seriously.

I'd prove a point, but I'll get dismissed.

Sometimes you'd want to be heard and seen,

But not for all the wrong reasons,

But for something that you said, something remarkable that you did,

Entice me, with substance in what you say,

stimulate me intellectually, feed me with things I don't know.

And I hope I can return the favour.

I know I will try.

Its just, its been a while since I've had a conversation that made me think;

That made me felt like the other person wanted to know what's brewing under these layers of facade I have so routinely practiced... how my mind works, my personality, and what makes me tick.

...Just someone who accepts me, for everything I am, inside out.

When I wake up at 7am, after 2 hours of sleep and looked like shit,

would you still be okay with it?

If I'd dress up like a hobo, face unmade and my hair unkempt,

would you still walk next to me?

If I accidently let out hyena laughter, would you laugh with me..

or would you cringe?

Superficiality is tiresome.

"As I took my heart out in the open, I see it tremble only once before I allow it to be broken"

Have to do strict Diet!!