Hard

I can't get anything done around here. Everything's just so hard. No one to mengadu to except this place here where I can't even write what I want. Ish tu pun cannot. how la.
The week passed,but i somehow felt left alone lonely.
Even i was surrounded with a lots of friends and had few dinner invitation.
I had that certain particular feeling of emptiness after mama n papa had went back to Malaysia,im left alone again and had to be independent for myself where than I just felt like,i wanna run away from this life.
I drove the car alone to campus on Monday morning,still adapting and on recovery phase.It was hard. And again I just had to be strong for OSCE IPM exam at 1pm.
exam done around 5pm,pack for myself KFC and 2 sundaes ice-cream I had been craving since Im admitted.
The emptiness feeling last till today,and it still didnt go away
even after i had for myself parsley dinner
tried a new cafe owned by my friend(went there twice)
filled my cravings for coffee and went to Begawan Solo twice just to lepak and meratap nasib sendiri time hujan-hujan malam-malam tak sedar diri that i just recover and still have to go control at the hospital till next week.(kalau doctor internist aku tau mati laaa)
eat 2 big bar of cadbury chocolate,and still,my mood is swinging
watched the premier of eat,pray & love-but wasnt satisfied and like expected through the novel but I did cried at few scenes where it touches my heart-I am seriously dealing with emotional problem this week.
Went to Amplaz and seriously wanted to find some clothes for campus.tried a few nice one,and end up not buying anything.(macam tak pernah keluar dari amplaz tu tak beli apa-apa).
Whats happening to me?
Eat dunkin donuts on saturday morning and end up at Kedai kopi around 10pm and balik rumah malam-malam pukul 12am and takut sendiri even dalam kereta sbb sorang-sorang and tak ade anyone accompany me back home like it used to be if we plan to come back late.Takut hantu or takut ada org jahat yg menyorok kat mana-mana and bila nampak perempuan keluar dari kereta malam-malam dia akan serbu and rompak kereta. worst kalau dia culik aku kan.haish fatin,berani betul kau balik malam sendiri?
Bukan takde kawan tapi kawan sibuk dgn bf masing-masing?
or ada kawan tapi tak rasa perlu ceritakan dekat dia semuanya?
or ada kawan tapi kawan tu nak manfaatkan kau sebab kau ada kereta?
ada kawan tapi perlukan masa untuk diri sendiri?


sebab tu,life is full of choices. and kadang-kadang rasa kalau jadi lelaki lagi best dari jadi perempuan.less complicated life?
atau perlu tambahkan solat-solat sunat,tahajud dan solat sunat taubat bukan solat hajat sahaja seperti kata sudin dalam blog dia.


rasa nak lari sekarang and pindah duduk negeri lain. start new life,get to know new people.but are u sure u wont feel lonely,u wont feel empty??


What im doing now is just to have faith and to go with the life flow.
Faith is a knowledge within the heart,beyond the reach of proof.Kahlil Gibran.