letter to edward.

I had a talk with an old friend. I haven't met him almost 3 months since last we meet up and catch up on june..enough said. . Somehow Im glad with the choice I made.

;letting go is hard, especially when emotions run deep. But remember, sometimes holding on can hurt much more.

I walked away and live my life because hoping and holding on wasn't the best choice.

  

We talked a lot,mostly about life.He asked me about my research,how is it going on in the biology molecular Lab.

well i said,Alhamdullilah its going on very well,but need to spend more time doing it. 4months ago,I couldnt see the light at the end of tunnel,filled with just so many dissapointments and let downs by those I cared about but i've learned to let go of people and relationships that were not working for me,and that was by far,the best decision I ever made..


I want to say this to certain someone if you ever read this: ''I rebuild my life after you,I make my everyday worth living,I get myself occupied and Im glad making the choice i made,to walk away,it was hard at first but I made it to who I am now and i still keeping my head up because it a harsh world out there.'';I did a lot of things during the past months im not with you,I joined Yoga,i went swimming,i explore new restaurants and places to eat,i jog,i lost more weight,i looked more awesome,and u were shocked seeing me getting thinner and awesome because u expected to see me at my worst.I used the opportunity and time that I had for myself to be  better than who I am before,and I achieved a lot.What had u achieved in past months?u didnt even know where Pastagio is?Im truly sorry for you edward,u need something for urself to get occupied with besides ur boring life and the same daily routine and the same places to eat .
I even got 98.67 for my neurology osce examination!! Im tough enough for this and it beyond what i know until i truly let it go. "ikhlas'' and truly being ikhlas has reward me with this.Me saying goodbye reward me with new hello. God plan is just beyond what we know.


Dont get me wrong to see me talking to you like nothing is ever happened.I learned to be strong everyday and i had mastered the skill of hating.I used to think to just delete you from my friend list but im not stupid and childish enough to do so. 
And now I can just laugh looking back at the past.
Or even,not pretending to be cool and calm when talking to you anymore.
I can even look into those eyes while talking to you.Those eyes didnt make me helplessly drown anymore
thank you for the memories,it nice to had some memories to cling on.
We might be friend again,but maybe not as closed as before.


And today,here I am,rolled up into someone better and I thank you for the experiences.
Thankyou for breaking my heart,losing you made me found who I am.
'when you cant remember why you're hurt,that's when u are healed-Jane Fonda'


Life's Pretty darn amazing right now.Hope yours is just as fantastic like mine.

Sincerly,

Fatin  Maziah

an update

Yes I realized I haven't write for quite sometimes. Being occupied doing lab work and classes plus I don't really love the idea of telling everyone everything about me and my daily life. So dont ask me to upload my Raya pictures in facebook,I didnt upload my Raya pictures since 2006,neither on fs nor in fb,why do now?because it is so not me.People stand for their principle,I had mine,deal with it and im not the narcist whom take my own pic using my blackberry every each single day.No I dont.

I did write 3-4 posts which after I finished writing it,I dont publish it. I just wont tell with whom im having sahur and buka puasa with or even what i bought for the certain someone.

Yesterday was Liana(the bestfren) last night here in Jogja,the place I stayed n study for almost 4 year now.
So I invited Sudin to have dinner with us since im close too sudin too.(Yes I came back a few days early,to have the Jogja holiday with her and plus,I got Car here,what do u expect me to do?leave it for 2 weeks without starting the engine,the car battery can go weak ok.)

While having dinner,we kinda have what sudin called as"heavy talks",Sudin,since when does we have not have one?(the heavy talks)..
On my way back to my home,while I was driving,Sudin suddenly came up again with a question that ound like this: "Fatin,u pilih lelaki yang pakai kereta ke,pakai motor besar ke or moto bese-bese je macam scooter"
Liana pula make a correction of Sudin question by :"sudin you should ask her,fatin u pilih lelaki naik kereta mercedes ke naik kereta brand malaysia"
I was like,EH! sudin kenapa tanya soalan macam tu? and said to liana eh i tak kesah la naik mercedes ke tak,I pun org biasa-biasa je.

Few months ago,i closed and private my blog to few invited readers.why?(because the idea of everyone reading about my private life)..and now in new blog,hoping (as a vain)  in attempt to forget the past,because someone who looked too long at the past will certainly miss the future!.
But today,im glad I did what I did.
A few regrets that i've had to live along the way
and a few things that I have to try to fix it.

" Maybe some friendships aren't meant to be saved. maybe we're meant to spend a certain part of our life with certain people and then move on."

So bila orang tanya I,kenapa Im still single sedangkan I can have one
or kadang-kadang orang cakap I terlalu memilih or even cakap I jual mahal or standard I terlalu tinggi for a guy;
Its because the last time I opened my heart to a guy,He take it for granted,some of them just doesnt know that I had lowered my standard to be with them and still,they didnt even know how to thank you for that.
Buat perangai macam-macam,and than said back to me that Im not sure with you because u're a rich girl and came from rich family,the way u being raised and Im being raised is different.Im afraid of it.Alasan je sume tu sebab kau dah mula buat perangai. It aint worth it folks.It just ain't.
So,why on earth should we settle for second best?So that yo can get your heart trashed by those second best?I really dont think so!.

Here is a quote from Shakespeare that I like..
"When I got Enough confidence, the stage was gone. When I was sure of losing, I won. When I needed people the most, they went left me. When I learned to dry my tears, I found a shoulder to cry on. When I mastered the skill of Hating, somebody started loving me. When after waiting for dawn, I feel Asleep,, The Sun Came out. That's Life "


when i started to accept that certain someone,he's gone.thats my life.


I think i had answered most of all of ur guys questions..cheers!
I had a lifetime to find the other half,the soulmate,the one who can fix the puzzle in my heart,ain't I rite Liana?

and it wasnt too late to wish for HAPPY EID EVERYONE!sorry for all the wrong doings,from the bottom of my heart.

from jogja,with love :)